“Where do you see yourself in 10 years?” I’ve been thinking a lot about this question; more and more lately…
Perhaps because of the new fiscal year, maybe because I’m pushing 32 and still not entirely sure…
Anyways; I posted this back in the first week of August 2018.
I was in a dark time/place…one of my closest friends (and brother’s best friend) who was a kid full of life, energy, love & optimism that was virtually in my life 24/7 just ceased to be in it.
It was a paradigm shift in my life altogether that I was not ready for in the slightest. People have their own ways of grieving I suppose.
It’s also funny how you never realize how important someone is to you until they’re no longer there…cliché that it may be & all.
***UPDATED BELOW POSTED on 8/01/18***
Lately, I’ve been stressing more than usual because I’ve had more on my plate than I could handle.
While I’ve always been used to overworking myself; what I never was used to was being overwhelmed… until now
I bought an apple iWatch (4th gen) to help me with organizing my life & more importantly…
For the health applications that help keep my mind, body, activity, and sleep in a healthy & consistent state of positivity.
A good friend of mine who I’ve known since childhood one of my best friends and closest friends now that I think about it 😭 died from a heroin overdose very very recently and I’ve been pretending like it hasn’t happened because I’ve been in shock but the reality is it’s been eating me up from the inside-out.
The last words I said to him were “take care of yourself man; please stay away from all that bullshit, you’re better than this and you have suffered enough. you and I both know that getting clean is easy… staying clean is the hard part” and he just sort of muttered while shaking his head in agreement but in reality, it was all in one ear and out the other.
DO you believe in coincidences? Why is it that I had the urge to have such a deep conversation about philosophy, life & health with him the last time I saw him?
We hung out at least once a week for decades. I distanced myself from him when he became involved in drug abuse and started making bad choices (it was just strictly tough love) but the last time we talked he told me he was clean for 6 months. I believed him. I still do. An everyday user doesn’t overdose and dies just like that.
It’s the people who have been clean for a while and don’t realize their tolerance is depleted so they take the same amount they used to when they were using every day and they are gone.
I can’t believe it. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around it…
Needless to say, I need to take a breather; this is a turbulent time in both my personal & professional life. I’m making irrational & impulsive decisions (like proposing to a girl I’m not entirely sure I’m ready to marry) and just confused as to why bad things happen to good people. I believe in God, and I believe he has a plan for us but what happened with John was not right. he was a good kid. he just lost his way…
After breaking down last night (while pretending everything was okay on the surface since then) I realized that if I don’t take a step back & breathe & take care of my mind and body and self then I cannot take care of others.
God Bless you all. Cherish & adore your friends & family and all loved ones. Any day could be the day you get the call.
Just like that, they’re gone. 😭 Miss you buddy.
R.I.P. John Brennan 1995–2018 😭😭😭
I know you’re up there in heaven cracking jokes with other angels & changing the atmosphere of heaven to a fun loose environment.
That’s how you were.
Always full of love.
Always fast & loose.
I love you so much.
I miss you and would do anything to have you back.
Peace & Love. God bless.
“Remember as citizens, the free market lives to serve us, not the other way around. The minute we start living to serve the free market then we are doomed; economically, culturally & socially as a nation”….and I’m a non-partisan independent when it comes to issues like this.